anchor the night
by shadoedseptmbr
Summary: After the date at Apollo's, after the fade to black, peace and nightmares.


Shepard had fallen asleep, her tousled red head pillowed on his shoulder and her breath deep and steady. But Kaidan lay awake, relaxing, savoring the warm weight of her body and pondering the field of stars overhead until he heard the whirrclick as the shutters started to draw shut. What…"EDI, the shutters are closing. Leave 'em open." The manual controls were all the way across the cabin and he had no intention of disturbing Shepard, curled against him.

EDI's oddly warm voice came over the speaker softly as if in respect for their sleeping commander. "Commander Shepard has requested that the shutters be closed once her vital signs register her as somnolent, Major."

"I like the stars, EDI. Just, can you belay that request?" Never mind that the AI was monitoring vital signs in the cabin. Or that he couldn't imagine Shepard ever wanting the view cut off. It was something they shared, that love of the vast quiet.

"As it was a request and not an order, yes Major, but…" the AI sounded hesitant and Kaidan cut it off.

"Shut off monitoring to Shepard's cabin, too, please, until you're addressed by name."

"Major…"

He put a clip in his command, this time. "That's an order, EDI."

"Logging the commander's cabin out, Major Alenko." Kaidan was pretty sure he was imagining the sad tonality of the AI's voice.

Shepard sighed in her sleep, her slim hand sliding up over his waist to snuggle closer. Kaidan took it up, cradling it; callused and scarred in his own, he pressed a kiss into the palm as he gazed up at the infinite, galaxy-studded black. Content, now, to let himself slide away into the dark; safely, finally, together.

—-000—-  
_She was strangling, suffocating, struggling to reach back and seal the ripped hoses with her hand, with the force of her will, with anything anything anything and only the impersonal empty vastness of the dark voids between the stars as witness. Pain and bleak and alone and alone and…_

"Shepard? Aedan, wake up! Wake up, you're all right!" Kaidan had been dragged out of the warmth of sleep with the slam of her elbow into his face as Shepard fought, mindlessly and with all her considerable strength, to free herself from whatever nightmare she'd found herself in. Her eyes huge and wide and terrified locked on him, her mouth gaping open trying to gulp air.

"Can't breathe, can't…" Aedan was gasping, her hands going to her throat. Kaidan rolled towards her, grabbing her clawed fingers before she could hurt herself. "Cold…"

"It's a dream, it's…" But she was shaking her head and fighting him and god what had brought this…Kaidan caught a glimpse of the starfield over his shoulder and horror washed over him as recalled why Shepard might not care for the view anymore. "EDI, close the shutters, _now_!"

They slammed shut as if EDI was forcing them to move faster than normally, casting the room into darkness before the glow of the aquarium washed over them, the ambient lights brightening slightly and a soft piece of string music started playing. "Shutters are closed, Major."

Shepard struggled a few moments longer before the dream faded enough for her to wake fully and she went limp against the pillows, closing her eyes as she regained control of her shuddering, ragged breathing. He still had her hands in his, and she pulled them against her breastbone, clutching. Kaidan felt the hammer of her pulse start to slow and he tugged one hand away from her grip away to cup her cheek and stroke his thumb along one sharp cheekbone.

"I'm sorry. Aedan, I'm so sorry."

"S'alright. I'm okay." She squeezed her eyes tight before opening them again, blinking slowly. "Should have told you. Why didn't EDI close the shutters?"

"I asked her not to. God. I should have listened to her, she tried to tell me."

She chuckled weakly, squeezing his hand. "Always listen to EDI. Good advice."

The AI broke in, still in active listening, "Thank you, Shepard. If all is now well, I will return to normal monitoring mode, if you wish."

"Normal mode requested. Thanks, EDI. See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Commander. Major." And Kaidan was completely sure this time that EDI's voice was chilly when she addressed him. _Good reason, too_, he thought as Aedan searched his face and grimaced.

"Damn. We better get you down to Chakwas. That's a hell of a shiner, sweetheart." Her fingers gently probed the bruising skin where her elbow had connected, thumbed away the trickle of blood from his nose; but he didn't flinch away.

"I deserve it."

"Hey, don't do that. It's fine. I have that dream now and again, shutters closed or not, okay?"

"Is that why EDI monitors the cabin?"

"Yeah. She brings up the light and the music system up and she can kick me out of it, usually without even waking me up."

The music swelled a little, a sweet melody in the still room and Kaidan was startled to recognize it. "That's…"

Aedan slanted him a crooked smile. "Yeah. I'm a sap. Our secret?"

Pushing himself up, Kaidan stared at her a moment. This was the song he'd tried to get her to dance to during the one tiny scrap of shoreleave they'd grabbed a week before the Collectors had come after the Normandy. They'd forced themselves to leave the cabin they'd rented and gone to a restaurant, with an actual band. They hadn't danced really, but Shepard stood in his arms and swayed with him awhile until she'd distracted him with her soft lips against his neck. "Is it always the same song?"

With a little yawn, she nodded and then swung her legs out of the bed. "Makes me think of you. Makes me feel better. C'mon, I've got medi-gel in the head. Let me patch that pretty face up so the crew doesn't think I've gone all bitchqueen on you."

He didn't follow her, just watched her swaying figure, pale in the glow of the ship's nightlights, as she walked up the stairs and then listened to her rummage through the med kit. He was still sitting there, lost in thought, when she came back to kneel up on the bed.

"Hold still." The gel was icy against his skin and he breathed in sharply as she smoothed it over the bruise. "There. By morning you won't be able to see it at all."

He cast his gaze down, guilt still coursing through him. "I'm…I wish…"

But she smiled into his eyes and slid closer to him, twining her arms around his neck and pressing her naked skin to his, beautiful layer of softness over all the tightly wound strength, the steel that kept her moving and Kaidan hugged her close and set his forehead against hers.

"Let it go. You're here now."


End file.
